The Key to My Happiness

"Be happy for this moment.  This moment is your life."
           ~ Omar Khayyam


Recently I've been asked several times how it's possible for me to assuredly know who I am, what I want in life, and all that entails.

I giggle.

If I don't know myself by this age, when will I?

I wasted too much time in my earlier years to waste them now.  When I divorced, I decided I would never again live unhappy.  The problem was, I didn't know what would make me happy.  So here's what I did:

• I headed to my family's cabin in the woods for a weekend of self reflection.
• I got very honest...real & raw...with myself about how I was living and compared that to who I truly was inside.  (Not who I wanted to be, nor who others thought I should be.) 
• I identified what it was about how I had been living my life that caused me to be unhappy:
• I wasn't actively going after the life I envisioned for myself.  I was allowing myself to be stuck in daily circumstances.  I was spending my time looking back and regretting choices I'd made, things I'd done or hadn't done.  And, of course, it felt like forever since I laughed.  
  
• From that came guidelines to keep me from those things that made me unhappy.  And so...Karen's Life Equities were born.

 Karen's Life Equities:

1. Laugh - laugh hard, laugh a lot, laughter will get me through anything

2. Dream - never stop dreaming, never stop pursuing my dreams
3. Move Forward - always move forward, grow, expand my mind
4. No Missed Opportunities & No Regrets

~ August, 1998

Living by these 'guidelines' led me to discover so many things that make me happy.  I've learned I'm easily bored so I need constant new discoveries to keep me engaged in life.  I've learned that exploring new places and countries feeds my soul.  That when I meet really good people, I must invest to keep them in my life v. falling into my habit of getting caught up in daily responsibilities.  I've learned dancing as a couple, whether salsa or other, gives me an instant hit of happiness.  I've learned not to beat myself up when I'm less than perfect.  And that having people who accept me and love me for who I am at the core + laughter is the foundation of my happiness.

I've also learned many things that I don't enjoy.  But just simply trying them, trying something new, made me happy.  I've learned what things, while I enjoy them at the moment, take me off course and end up bringing me down on my happiness scale.  So, while it is sometimes difficult, I try to avoid those situations.

Of course, there are a few assets that are key to staying the course...

• trusted advisors:  grounded friends & family members who hold me accountable by calling me out on my 'stuff'
• faith that God wants me to enjoy my life
• genuine hugs
• and, oh yes, a good therapist helps, too!

Happiness is circumstantial.
Joy of life...now that is what is constant.

So, net net, for me, it's not about knowing what I want in life, but rather, knowing what I don't want.