I recently had an email exchange with a friend who was questioning relationships. Dealing with modern women, and being a modern man, he said he was "tired" and wondered "if our parents' generation had it right: commit, work it out."
Our wanderings were interesting ... both in our lives as we searched for someone with whom to commit ourselves to and with the conversation at present. My response to him was...
"It seems as though not being in a relationship leaves you in a restless place. I think it's important to be good on your own before you can be good in a relationship. As difficult as alone may be, especially in this city (NYC). Your worth & your image are truly not determined by your success in business nor the woman by your side. They are determined by how you live your life and handle your relationships. Although, many don't see it that way ... and that's a trap that is more prevalent here in NYC than anywhere else.
... Your depth and analytical skills, ..., are key strengths of yours. However, as someone said to me years ago "It must serve you well in business, but it must really trip you up in your personal life." That comment has remained with me. When we are dealing with human beings, we often times need to let go of logic and reason as emotions are, more often than not, neither logical nor reasonable. So I believe you've fallen into that trap that so many of us have and that is having unrealistic expectations. Lowering our expectations does not equate to settling for less. But rather, it enables us to accept others for who they are and allows us to be more understanding of the whole person ... and see their wonderful traits.
Yes, there are so many people in this world with whom we would make a good match. But it all comes down to this ... we have to make a choice: do we want to spend our life enjoying many different people, or do we want to enjoy many aspects of life with one person? If it's the latter, then quite simply it comes down to this: of all of those people that could be good for us ... pick one. That's it. Quite simply, pick one. And then, yes, as our parents' generation did, commit and work it out. If we are people of integrity, then respect and honor (and love) will hold us to that one person and help us make the right choice when presented with others who could be exciting or good for us. Pick one, commit, be there for each other above all else.
It sounds difficult, but it's quite easy. Well, it is once we get a good understanding of who we are. Once we know ourself, we know who is & who isn't good for us, as well as who we are & aren't good for, in the long haul.
Make sense?"
