The Key to My Happiness

"Be happy for this moment.  This moment is your life."
           ~ Omar Khayyam


Recently I've been asked several times how it's possible for me to assuredly know who I am, what I want in life, and all that entails.

I giggle.

If I don't know myself by this age, when will I?

I wasted too much time in my earlier years to waste them now.  When I divorced, I decided I would never again live unhappy.  The problem was, I didn't know what would make me happy.  So here's what I did:

• I headed to my family's cabin in the woods for a weekend of self reflection.
• I got very honest...real & raw...with myself about how I was living and compared that to who I truly was inside.  (Not who I wanted to be, nor who others thought I should be.) 
• I identified what it was about how I had been living my life that caused me to be unhappy:
• I wasn't actively going after the life I envisioned for myself.  I was allowing myself to be stuck in daily circumstances.  I was spending my time looking back and regretting choices I'd made, things I'd done or hadn't done.  And, of course, it felt like forever since I laughed.  
  
• From that came guidelines to keep me from those things that made me unhappy.  And so...Karen's Life Equities were born.

 Karen's Life Equities:

1. Laugh - laugh hard, laugh a lot, laughter will get me through anything

2. Dream - never stop dreaming, never stop pursuing my dreams
3. Move Forward - always move forward, grow, expand my mind
4. No Missed Opportunities & No Regrets

~ August, 1998

Living by these 'guidelines' led me to discover so many things that make me happy.  I've learned I'm easily bored so I need constant new discoveries to keep me engaged in life.  I've learned that exploring new places and countries feeds my soul.  That when I meet really good people, I must invest to keep them in my life v. falling into my habit of getting caught up in daily responsibilities.  I've learned dancing as a couple, whether salsa or other, gives me an instant hit of happiness.  I've learned not to beat myself up when I'm less than perfect.  And that having people who accept me and love me for who I am at the core + laughter is the foundation of my happiness.

I've also learned many things that I don't enjoy.  But just simply trying them, trying something new, made me happy.  I've learned what things, while I enjoy them at the moment, take me off course and end up bringing me down on my happiness scale.  So, while it is sometimes difficult, I try to avoid those situations.

Of course, there are a few assets that are key to staying the course...

• trusted advisors:  grounded friends & family members who hold me accountable by calling me out on my 'stuff'
• faith that God wants me to enjoy my life
• genuine hugs
• and, oh yes, a good therapist helps, too!

Happiness is circumstantial.
Joy of life...now that is what is constant.

So, net net, for me, it's not about knowing what I want in life, but rather, knowing what I don't want.

Cincinnati ~ My Hometown Favorites

What better place to share than home?  After a wonderful weekend visiting my family, here are a few of my hometown favorites:

• Havana Martini Club for salsa dancing...no one ever leaves a stranger.  Nelson & Beckie were in town...met up with Michael Drake.  The ole gang back together!
• Boca for delicious dinner.
• A stop at the most talented hair salon, The Chambers-Packer Studio, where Angie Packer works her magic! 
• Crossroads Community Church had a great message on one of my favorite topics:  Freedom. Freedom from fear, freedom from guilt, from religion. from negative self-talk, from our past, from labels others put on us, et al.  Brian spoke of the damage we do to ourselves when we allow these things to continue.  Listen to the podcast of the March 7th message which includes 5 steps to from from these things.
• Breakfast after church at the local diner, The Echo, where you run into, oh, everyone!   
• Call me Black Beard and shake in your boots when you dare play laser tag at ScallyWag's.  9 back-to-back games!
• The amazing Contemporary Arts Center and Cincinnati Art Museum!

Lounging around with Mom & Dad, my nephew & niece spending the night, hanging with my brothers.

It's like having a warm blanket around me.

Central Park, 20.9" of Snow!

The fourth largest one-day snowfall in history for us.  And so ...

Snow angels, snow balls, hot chocolate ... too much fun in Central Park yesterday!

making my snow angel:

isn't she pretty?

 

  

 

I love trees and these made me smile:

 

  

a lone umbrella frozen on the lake:

Trapeze School!

"Curiosity is a set up for discovery. Anger is a set up for destruction. The attitude with which you approach problem solving is so entwined with the choices you perceive, one is hardly distinguishable from the other."
~ Jonathon Conant, President and Co-Founder of Trapeze School New York


It's time to challenge myself again and live up to my "do one thing every day that scares you" mantra.  Stay posted ... I'll be reporting on my high flying experience shortly!  (postponed due to dire need to play in the snow.  stay tuned...)

Discover 'Whatever Works'

Written and directed by Woody Allen, Whatever Works is a delightfully eccentric film.  Larry David is excellent as lifelong New York resident Boris Yellnikoff.

A friend recommended the film to me without explanation of what it's about.  That's the best way to go into this film.

It's now available via On Demand.

I highly recommend it ~ enjoy!

Sex & Love

A day to stop and let those whom you care about know that you care.

Spouses. Lovers. Friends to Friends. Grandparents to grandchildren. Aunties & Uncles to nieces & nephews. Right down to greeting doormen and postal deliverers.

Phone calls are made. The 3M's are used...em, tm, im. Tweets. Facebook status updates. Cards. Chocolate. Flowers. Sexy drawers are opened. Tokens in celebration of caring.

As my tokens to you, here are two things I've recently come across ...

A Very Sexy Hotel
On a recent business trip to Columbus, Ohio, I stayed at a very sexy hotel. No, the lobby wasn't dark, nor filled with exotic fabrics and paintings. There were no rose petals floating in a bathtub. No brass pole at the foot of my bed. Whomever designed the hotel did a wonderful job meeting the needs of both the business and the romantic traveler.

The center of the lobby was comprised of 3 rooms...a central bar area, a more cozy area, and yet a cozier area with a fireplace and a living room-esque feel.

But it was my guest room that caught my attention. It had what I believe are the 3 essentials of every bedroom ... a fluffy bed with a high headboard, a chair, and a large mirror opposite the bed. The bathroom didn't have a tub, thus no rose petals, but it did have a European glass shower and lots of mirrors.

Believe it or not, it's a Marriott-owned hotel: Renaissance Columbus Downtown.

"Just Like the Movies"
I must qualify this part by reminding you how hard my heels dig in and how much I cringe whenever someone says 'church' or even invites me to church with them. I am very anti-religion because of all the man-made rules and condemnation and bs. But I very much believe in spirituality and having a relationship with God, and growing spiritually.

That said, here is a link to the audio & video podcasts from this morning's message at my very non-church church, Forefront NYC. "Just Like the Movies" is the first in a series called "Falling (and Staying) in Love." (once you get to the link, scroll down to see the links to the podcast.)

I've never shared anything from Forefront before, so trust me, this is thought-provoking and worth listening to or watching.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Blessings in Haiti, and to Haiti.

We've heard, and seen, so many stories of sadness, thankfulness, and hope coming out of Haiti.

What can I possibly have to say that hasn't already been said? Or share that hasn't already been shared? How can I possibly have anything to say that would be worthy of your time to read ~ I have never even visited Haiti.

These are the thoughts I've had over the past week.

But I've realized that continuing to share the stories will keep Haiti in conversation and keep our focus ... the world's focus ... on assisting in their recovery.

And so, I share two stories of those dear to me with family in Haiti ...

* * * * * * * * *

Sonia & Don are very dear friends of my family. Until recently, they lived next door to my parents and are very dear to my heart. Sonia grew up in an orphanage in Haiti. Her husband was a missionary who traveled there often and came to know the man who ran the orphanage. That is how Sonia & Don met.

Growing up, I would sit on the antique trunk which I'd positioned under a window in my bedroom and watch the sun set across the tree tops that lined the golf course across from my family's house. One evening, I watched as boxes were carried from the street into the house next door. Lovely twin girls in little matching dresses walked through the open gateway of the fence into the back of the house. We had new neighbors. Sonia & Don, Michelle, and Angeline had moved in. They became very dear my family...the two families helping each other and celebrating together. We would get so excited when we saw Don walking to the door with goodies Sonia had baked. That woman is one of the best cooks you'll ever meet! Eventually, my parents' church would begin to financially support a church in Haiti.

So when the devastation occurred, I had to reach out to Sonia & Don with hopes of hearing the family in Haiti were all safe. Here is the email I received:

"Karen, in the midst of bad news there is also God's good news. Men from Northern Kentucky went to Pastor Cassy's orphanage in Haiti with 20000 pounds of rice plus water. Pastor Cassy was Sonia's guardian from age 6-23. The Kentucky men drove a truck from the Dominican and actually made it. In effect, they "rescued" children and adults from sure starvation. We have other friends in Haiti that we are now praying for. Don and Sonia"

* * * * * * * * *

Another friend of mine, here in NYC, has several family members in Haiti. From what I've heard, all are safe. But there are still friends and acquaintances ...

I can't imagine what Miro may be going through. And while this may not be the right time to promote his amazing dance company, maybe it is. Maybe the beauty that Miro brings into the world will somehow bring additional light and hope to our hearts. Maybe it will send positive energy into the universe and find the way to Haiti ...

Miro Magloire's New Chamber Ballet.
Read what the New York Times has to say about Miro and his New Chamber Ballet.

Next performances: April 17th & 18th, 2010